awake?

Internet, I have been sitting here for about an hour or so, thinking man, I should be asleep! Why am I not asleep? I still have one of my two last ten hour days tomorrow, and man, I can not figure out why I am wide awake?

And then I realized. Duh. You know how I'm sick? Yeah. I slept until 3:45.

So now I am up watching Lizard Lick Towing, or something like that, on TruTV. I hate every show in this channel, BTW. But that's where we're at.

*****

I just finished an awesome library book. If you guys are looking for a quick, fun read, you should check out orion you came and you took all my marbles by Kira Henehan.

I really enjoyed this book. It was written with a very unique voice, and it's kind of a detective novel. It's somewhat nonsensical, but completely engaging. I will say the end left me wanting some more explanation, but I enjoyed it regardless.

I am a terrible book reviewer, so here are some others:

The Shameless Plug: GQ's Kira Henehan Wrote an Awesome Novel

Bookslut review

*****

Okay guys. I guess I'll go to bed now. Sorry. This post was pathetic. I am awake, and tired, all at once.

Busy Week....

Well, kids. The Brother is back in the States, and partying it up in Southern California. I am relieved to have him back, and enjoying getting phone calls from him almost daily. It's a good thing. I still don't even register that when I am bored I can just pick up the phone and call him. Sweet!

So my week has been an insane one. Lots of work, which of course I can not talk about here, and not much other stuff. I traveled for work on Thursday, which was a nice change of pace, and I got back to my office energized, but ended up going home early on Friday with a sinus infection.

It didn't help that I spent Thursday night out late celebrating with my coworker, who is getting married next Saturday, and was having a bachelorette party. We had fun.

I've basically spent much of the rest of my weekend vegging. Did some shopping on Saturday, but have mostly been watching Sister Wives marathons all weekend. (OMG I need a life). Stoked to have Monday off, as has been my usual schedule for the last month or so. Even more stoked to be going back to my five eight hour shifts after that, instead of the current four tens.

Hope you all had good weekends. I'm off to do more vegging.

the mean reds.

"No, the blues are because you're getting fat, or because it's been raining too long. You're just sad, that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?" -Holly Golightly

Oh, Internet. I find myself somewhat melancholy tonight. This weekend was very challenging, and not very restful at all. I stopped taking my Luvox last week, which I had been taking since just after New Year's to manage my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Like a true mental health patient, I of course decided I didn't need the help anymore, mainly because I think it's making my appetite greater, and that terrifies me. So I stopped taking it cause I ran out, and was somewhat apathetic about refilling it, and have quite probably been going through SSRI Withdrawal Syndrome. Migraine-like headaches since Thursday, nausea since Saturday, and terrible nightmares. I'm afraid to go to bed at night because I still have the vivid feelings that the dreams bring. And I feel overwhelmingly depressed.

And I feel guilty. Because, Internet, I was desperate for relief when I started this med. And I really thought it would be the one. The one that would help. I read reviews, and researched side effects, and cried on the phone with my mom, because I wanted the relief these other users described. I feel like I'm letting myself down, or giving up, by stopping it. I feel like I'm letting my loved ones down. And I feel sick. And tired.

And overwhelmingly sick. OMG. And tired. And sad. And lonely. Which is odd, because I am not even alone right now. And all I want is my family, all together.

It just occurred to me, cause I am slow like that, that of my five person family of origin, not one of us is living under the same roof. Here I am in my place, with Mom, Pops, and Other Brother spread out across Western Washington. And who knows where Brother is? Hopefully on his way home from Afghanistan by now, but even when he gets "home", that's San Diego. No one even lives in the same city, and that makes me really sad.

I should probably stop listening to Ray Lamontagne. Cause he's not helping.

Oh crap, I am so nauseous.

small daily goals for this sickie girl

So last weekend I went to the library and I checked out mad amounts of books. You can tell if I'm not feeling well, because I check out way more in anticipation of huddling in my house and not leaving. However, there are usually too many distractions, and I'm not able to focus like I would like to.

Right now I am reading The Tower, The Zoo, and The Tortoise by Julia Stuart, and it is quite cute. It's about an eccentric cast of characters who live and work in the Tower of London, and I have been reading it for a full week! That is terrible for me! So my biggest goal for today is to finish that book.

I have three books I need to return, and then I have to wade through In the Time of the Girls by Anne Germanacos, The Three Fates by Linda Le, Citrus County by John Brandon, Enough About Love by Herve Le Tellier, Little Green by Loretta Stinson, and Orion You Came and You Took All My Marbles by Kira Henehan. I'm feeling the pressure!

I usually get a lot of reading done at work, but lately I've been listening to a lot of audio books, so that's cutting into my actual reading time. I just listened to The Replacement, Wintergirls, and have just started Water for Elephants. The first two were YA, and they were okay. I am REALLY enjoying Water for Elephants, though. My boss is reading it as well, so I'm gonna enjoy talking about it with her at work on Monday.

Anyway, like I said, my goal for today is to finish my current book, and I'd like to make some substantial headway into the next one as well. Man, I wish I could just not work, and read for a living!

The beginnings of a thought forming....

I have been sick lately, and it's totally messed with my sleeping patterns! I slept literally all day yesterday, before we tried to check into the Urgent Care to see WTF was wrong with me. Unfortunately, Urgent Care had closed 50 minutes prior, so we went out to my mom's place instead, so she could give me some pain relievers to get me through the weekend. ('Twas a migraine, I think.)

Anyway, having slept until 5pm made sleeping through the night a challenge, so sometime during the middle of the night I found myself online, checking my reader to see what my fellow bloggers had to say. And I found a guest post on C. Jane that bothered me quite a bit, actually.

I have a Gay Brother. I capitalize that, because when talking about him I either refer to him as my Other Brother or my Gay Brother. It's kind of our thing. Either way, I tease him often, but he is my brother, and he is gay, and I love him. And I do not believe he is an abomination. And for the record, I am a Christian, and I absolutely believe he was born that way.

Anyway, it was a post written by a gay Mormon man who blogs, and for some reason it bothered me. I still have to think a bit, and probably read some more, before I can fully articulate why exactly it bothers me. To say anything else at this point would probably be unfair on my part.

Brother (otherwise known as my Marine Brother) has told us we can expect him to be headed stateside very soon. I can not wait to know he is safe on US soil. And that is all I have to say about that.