:(

There are times when I get incredibly frustrated. Maybe I am expecting too much. Truthfully, it's entirely possible. I hold people to ridiculously high standards. But I am so irritated tonight. I think it's disrespectful to post why on the internet. Just because I choose to make portions of my life public knowledge via the internet doesn't mean that everyone does.

But I am seriously irritated.

Actually, this is probably a terrible place for venting, and I did so on the private group in facebook.

Argh.

Holy Moly!

It feels like this month has just FLOWN BY! Nothing supremely exciting has happened, but I've just been so busy lately that I can't believe we're going to heading into May pretty soon!

I told R that I've been seeing someone new this month, and that was nice. It makes it easier to talk to him, because I don't feel like I'm keeping secrets.

J spent the first portion of this month working in Blaine, WA, which is apparently next door to Canada. This meant that he stayed in a hotel up there for about a week and a half. This sucked for a couple of reasons. I was lonely, and also was without a cell phone, which was... inconvenient.

One kinda funny story, though, from his time away. He was looking for a grocery store after work to grab a pizza to take back to the hotel, and he did a search in his GPS for the nearest one. There was a Safeway about ten miles away, so off he went. It wasn't until he was stuck on a one way highway with no exit available that he realized the GPS was taking him to Canada! Haha, he had to talk his way through border patrol, only to turn around a wait half an hour to come back into the US. And he doesn't even have a passport! Insane....

Brother has gone back to San Diego, and is working out his final months in the Marine Corps. Other than that, this month has mostly been for working.

J did get a pleasant surprise on his return home from Blaine. He was taken off of one of the work crews (he works for a company that brings crawl spaces up to code), and now he is training to do free estimates, which pays better and is just overall a better opportunity. So that is exciting.

Eep! I just looked at the clock! Time for bed, for sure. I hope you all had a wonderful Easter!

all over thoughts

I've been struggling with blogging lately, ever since the ex and I broke up. I've had a difficult time walking that fine line between what is just the right amount of sharing, and how much sharing is too much. It may finally get easier now that the ex is aware that I am seeing someone. I feel much better now that it's out in the open. I'm no longer afraid of him finding out some deep dark secret, and me feeling like I've betrayed someone. Overall, while hard to build up to, I think it's for the best.

I've become quite the homebody, in other news. I find myself wishing that staying home was an option more and more. I've started planning my meals for the week, in an effort to wean myself off of the Lean Cuisines and maintain a more realistic and satisfying grocery budget.

Holy Christmas, I have a love/hate relationship with food.

I'm reading a lot more. I find myself utilizing the library a lot more lately. I cancelled (well, put on hold, really) my Netflix subscription, and am getting by on movies rented from the library. And I am reading a lot. I'm trying to just... spend more time doing simple things that cost less money.

Also, the Brother is back home from Afghanistan, which is the best thing ever. We drove out to PA for a beer tasting with the Pops last Friday and snapped this picture. I think we all look pretty good.

I'm enjoying my new hair, but missing a softer, more feminine 'do.

I don't know. That's me. How are you?

awake?

Internet, I have been sitting here for about an hour or so, thinking man, I should be asleep! Why am I not asleep? I still have one of my two last ten hour days tomorrow, and man, I can not figure out why I am wide awake?

And then I realized. Duh. You know how I'm sick? Yeah. I slept until 3:45.

So now I am up watching Lizard Lick Towing, or something like that, on TruTV. I hate every show in this channel, BTW. But that's where we're at.

*****

I just finished an awesome library book. If you guys are looking for a quick, fun read, you should check out orion you came and you took all my marbles by Kira Henehan.

I really enjoyed this book. It was written with a very unique voice, and it's kind of a detective novel. It's somewhat nonsensical, but completely engaging. I will say the end left me wanting some more explanation, but I enjoyed it regardless.

I am a terrible book reviewer, so here are some others:

The Shameless Plug: GQ's Kira Henehan Wrote an Awesome Novel

Bookslut review

*****

Okay guys. I guess I'll go to bed now. Sorry. This post was pathetic. I am awake, and tired, all at once.

Busy Week....

Well, kids. The Brother is back in the States, and partying it up in Southern California. I am relieved to have him back, and enjoying getting phone calls from him almost daily. It's a good thing. I still don't even register that when I am bored I can just pick up the phone and call him. Sweet!

So my week has been an insane one. Lots of work, which of course I can not talk about here, and not much other stuff. I traveled for work on Thursday, which was a nice change of pace, and I got back to my office energized, but ended up going home early on Friday with a sinus infection.

It didn't help that I spent Thursday night out late celebrating with my coworker, who is getting married next Saturday, and was having a bachelorette party. We had fun.

I've basically spent much of the rest of my weekend vegging. Did some shopping on Saturday, but have mostly been watching Sister Wives marathons all weekend. (OMG I need a life). Stoked to have Monday off, as has been my usual schedule for the last month or so. Even more stoked to be going back to my five eight hour shifts after that, instead of the current four tens.

Hope you all had good weekends. I'm off to do more vegging.

the mean reds.

"No, the blues are because you're getting fat, or because it's been raining too long. You're just sad, that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?" -Holly Golightly

Oh, Internet. I find myself somewhat melancholy tonight. This weekend was very challenging, and not very restful at all. I stopped taking my Luvox last week, which I had been taking since just after New Year's to manage my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Like a true mental health patient, I of course decided I didn't need the help anymore, mainly because I think it's making my appetite greater, and that terrifies me. So I stopped taking it cause I ran out, and was somewhat apathetic about refilling it, and have quite probably been going through SSRI Withdrawal Syndrome. Migraine-like headaches since Thursday, nausea since Saturday, and terrible nightmares. I'm afraid to go to bed at night because I still have the vivid feelings that the dreams bring. And I feel overwhelmingly depressed.

And I feel guilty. Because, Internet, I was desperate for relief when I started this med. And I really thought it would be the one. The one that would help. I read reviews, and researched side effects, and cried on the phone with my mom, because I wanted the relief these other users described. I feel like I'm letting myself down, or giving up, by stopping it. I feel like I'm letting my loved ones down. And I feel sick. And tired.

And overwhelmingly sick. OMG. And tired. And sad. And lonely. Which is odd, because I am not even alone right now. And all I want is my family, all together.

It just occurred to me, cause I am slow like that, that of my five person family of origin, not one of us is living under the same roof. Here I am in my place, with Mom, Pops, and Other Brother spread out across Western Washington. And who knows where Brother is? Hopefully on his way home from Afghanistan by now, but even when he gets "home", that's San Diego. No one even lives in the same city, and that makes me really sad.

I should probably stop listening to Ray Lamontagne. Cause he's not helping.

Oh crap, I am so nauseous.

small daily goals for this sickie girl

So last weekend I went to the library and I checked out mad amounts of books. You can tell if I'm not feeling well, because I check out way more in anticipation of huddling in my house and not leaving. However, there are usually too many distractions, and I'm not able to focus like I would like to.

Right now I am reading The Tower, The Zoo, and The Tortoise by Julia Stuart, and it is quite cute. It's about an eccentric cast of characters who live and work in the Tower of London, and I have been reading it for a full week! That is terrible for me! So my biggest goal for today is to finish that book.

I have three books I need to return, and then I have to wade through In the Time of the Girls by Anne Germanacos, The Three Fates by Linda Le, Citrus County by John Brandon, Enough About Love by Herve Le Tellier, Little Green by Loretta Stinson, and Orion You Came and You Took All My Marbles by Kira Henehan. I'm feeling the pressure!

I usually get a lot of reading done at work, but lately I've been listening to a lot of audio books, so that's cutting into my actual reading time. I just listened to The Replacement, Wintergirls, and have just started Water for Elephants. The first two were YA, and they were okay. I am REALLY enjoying Water for Elephants, though. My boss is reading it as well, so I'm gonna enjoy talking about it with her at work on Monday.

Anyway, like I said, my goal for today is to finish my current book, and I'd like to make some substantial headway into the next one as well. Man, I wish I could just not work, and read for a living!